“Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned / Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned.”

- The Mourning Bride” (1697) by William Congreve

The phone rang with an unexpected caller on the other end. It begun with curiosity and, quite expectedly the knowledge that an ex is still one and the same leopard. Offering assistance to a perfect stranger, one whom does not have the best impression of me is the only thing I can do especially when there’s an unborn at stake. What’s worse than telling a lie? Telling a lie, being caught and suffering the repressions of said lie. Makes you think long and hard about the toes you step on today, innit?

All I can say to TRS is, hang on with all you got because, it’s going to be one HELL of a bumpy ride.

Talking to J made me think of T. With much apprehension, I dial his number. Expectedly, the phone rings torturing me as it continues. Eventually, I reach T’s voicemail which I struggle to understand to, as it is in a language I barely remember much less speak.

For a moment, I consider leaving a message and realise quickly that I have over stepped my boundaries by calling.

Quickly, I place the receiver down. It is not fair to T that I want to know that he is ok. It is not fair at all. I walked out, again. As I stare down the phone for an answer, and just as suddenly I decide to try once more.

Just once more, I tell myself.

In two seconds, I am met with a familiar Parisian accent. We need to talk, please. T is living the life that he wanted for us, except I am no longer there. Is that fair? I am doing exactly what I want to do, except it is without him. Is that fair?

I missed the highway exit to my home and ended up on a 20min detour.

For all those times I berated you for being a bad driver, guess what? I think I’m worse.

I am learning to get by. I really am. To the freckles that I love to hate – Damn you! Stop growing already! 

How the mind manages to retain details of the most insignificant conversation is truly beyond me. While browsing news services online, I chanced on an article about how doctors & scientists are now testing the use of capsaicin (most commonly found in chillis) to provide pain relief.

When the ex (whose name I refuse to mention) was still in med school, we would frequently have conversations about medicine because as we all know, I am drugstore on legs. For reasons beyond me, I have no clue why I recall this particular conversation but I do. We were talking about how the elderly often used traditional chinese plasters (Tiger Balm etc) for pain relief as opposed to heeding the advice of western doctors and have it addressed more efficiently.

His professor was of the same notion and I was on the other side of the fence. Well, apparentally these scientists and doctors are now on my side as well.

Welcome, welcome.

For a nano second, I considered forwarding him the article because, it would be for the most part – funny. Ignoring the fact that we are no longer friends (not that we ever were post dating), he is no longer the person that used to take me for long car rides that would always end in the same place, nor the one that would buy me my favourite iced lemon tea prior to meeting me because I was addicted to it so. Neither is he, the boy that would wait for me in his beat up Suzuki when I was busy in the editing studio and couldn’t leave work on time. My mind has been left out on the advancements that my life has taken post TRS.

Perhaps, it’s time to update.